May 2006

Indian man has spent 50 years living in tree house after argument with wife. Oregon's executive director of the Liquor Control Commission arrested for drunk driving.

October 2005

Intruder at home of Fiji's President breaks in, turns on radio and begins doing workout. Three arrested for making sex video on Munich's famous Big Wheel.

September 2005

The city of Omaha (Nebraska) issued a warning to a citizen that his unkempt front lawn was lowering the tone of the neighbourhood. So the man mowed an obscene retort. Town ov Sokolov (Czech Republic) build world's first suspension bridge for squirrels. Belgian gravediggers cautioned over on-site barbecues.

August 2005

Somerset boys ordered home from school trip after being found in Swiss brothel. A Munich travel agent has started offering holidays for teddy bears.

July 2005

Toothless man caught stealing toothbrushes in Brazil. Texan who rescued drowning man from river is arrested for "interfering with emergency services". US man arrested for being drunk in charge of a shopping trolley.

May 2005

Two 'Star Wars' fans injured when they create 'light sabres' by addig petrol to fluorescent lighting tubes.

April 2005

Miss Wheelchair Wisconsin stripped of title after being photographed standing. Good news for sado-masochists: a team of scientist in Novosibirsk has found that regular spanking releases endorphiones.

March 2005

Osama bin Laden's half-brother registers family name as a trademark.

February 2005

Missouri girl of 12 strangles nine-year old sister in row over hamburger. Colombian mayor shoots himself in bottom while sitting on loo.

January 2005

Midwest Airlines starts giving air miles to pets. Woman falls to her death while trying to do handstand on Florida hotel balcony. US man sells advertising space on his forehead for $37,375.

December 2004

One resident in Moscow, hearing a neighbour's car alarm yet again, went to the balcony, took careful aim and lobbed a kitchen sink at the car. Vehicle flattened and peace restored. London teenager killed friend after he refused to get out of his dog's favourite chair. Last month Romanian Alan Prica, who is blind, stole a car and drove for a mile before crashing into a tree. Last week he struck again and, with the aid of a sighted navigator, drove the vehicle 25 miles - before a mix up over instructions meant he hit another tree. New York man dog-sitting his mother's pets caught in flagrante delicto with short-haired terrier beagle.

November 2004

Australian divers break world underwater ironing record. Female Romanian judge fired for appearing in _ movie. Washington State schools stop children celebrating Halloween 'because it may offend witches'.

October 2004

Winner of £45m lottery jackpot shot dead in Seattle bar. Hampshire mother repeatedly stabs boy of 10 for damaging he favourite stuffed toy. German bank manager arrested for transferring £830,000 from accounts of wealthy customers to those of poor ones. Bulgarian gypsy says missing Titian found hanging on wall of his flat was something he was 'looking after for a friend of a friend'. Bush referring to enemies of the US: "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we".

September 2004

US defendant's chanches of acquittal shrink after he stabs his lawyer in buttocks. Man being divorced by wife who found inflatable sex doll in their home claims it was present for friend.

August 2004

Randy Fletcher in January found his wife in bed with his neighbour, in March he wrecked his car, in May his dog died, in July he lost his house. Two days after the divorce was finalised, he won the Indiana State Lottery jackpot. Chicago bride on her way to honeymoon run over by mother-in-law.

July 2004

Romanian judge resigns after mooning at neighbours. Drive-by firework-throwers killed in Utah when they fail to wind windows down. US environmentalist dies after tree falls on him. Iranian man thinks better of suicide pact with wife shortly after she hangs herself. Japanese inventor claims to have created machine to programme dreams. A Florida man stole credit cards and signed for goods with his own name.

June 2004

Franciscan monks in Croatia are ordered to sell off their Mercedes and drive something more appropriate. Chinese cople approaching golden wedding divorce after husband in his eighties has sex-change op. Pyjama-clad skeleton of man found in Tokyo flat, having lain there for more than 20 years. New Zealander caught speeding says he was doing it to blow dry his car after a wash. Zambian man commits suicide after his wife catches him having sex with chicken.

April 2004

Temper flare at US school assembly on anger management and session ends with arrests. German policeman takes government to court for permission to sit exams using plain paper rather than lined. Chef Jamie Oliver decided to cook his wife a "romantic" dinner for St Valentine's Day naked, and managed to burn his penis. German arrested for playing "fetch" by throwing axe for his dog. New Jersey woman jailed for setting fire to lover during foreplay.

March 2004

German in hospital after he tries to cure rottweiler's halitosis with tooth-brush. Oklaoma woman trying to do drugs deal dials wrong number and gets her parole officer. Royal Navy parrot who squawks "show us your tits!" takena ashore ahead of Queen's visit.

February 2004

Merseyside man evicted for playing Bing Crosby records too loud. Chilean actor given treatment for cramps during interval of play featuring 27 hours of simulated sex. Iowa man convicted for flashing despite wife's testimony that his penis would be hard to see at 12 paces. Michigan techie names baby son Version 2.0. Bristol teens use cling films and crisp packets as condoms. German who taught dog to do Hitler salute found guilty of Nazi activities. US parents fined $9,000 after nine-year-old son kicks waiter in testicles. Frenchman dies after swallowing 350 coins for a bet.

January 2004

Croatian blows up car after trying to unfreeze engine by lighting fire under it. South African vice trial surprised to learn it took visits from 25 officers to collect evidence against brothel. Man who steals tiger python from New Jersey pet shop abandons it after it bites him on scrotum South African drowns while scattering father's ashes at sea. Ohio woman on trial asks judge if she can use "Get out of jail free" card from Monopoly set.

December 2003

Dutch shopping mall introduces speed limit for electric wheelchairs. "Lucky" the dog was taken to a New Jersey pound to be put down. It was lethally injected, put in a plastic sack, dumped on a landfill site, scooped into a garbage compactor and duly compressed. It survived the lot. Question to US emergency services phone operator: "If I start losing my memory,how will I know?".

November 2003

Thai businessman falls to death while fixing good luck flag on to his roof. Kansas town makes gun ownership compulsory. California bank robber forgets eye-holes in mask and walks into glass door on way out. An Australian has sued a brewery because he found it impossible to open the top of his beer bottle. After much testimony about how to open a twist cap, the judge threw the case out. Turkish cow wanders onto railway line, is hit by train, hurled into air, and lands on farmer's wife. Indian man goes for record by swallowing 200 live earthworms in 20 seconds. Finnish bank robbers so drunk that manager talks them into accepting a loan. An Australian woman planned a surprise for her boyfriend. She hid behind his lorry to spring out at him. Man gets in cab, starts engine, and shoves lorry into reverse. She may recover.

October 2003

Swiss commuters stranded after hoax announcement tells them to leave train and wait for non-existent bus. Family of Kentuky girl bitten by shark sues local council for falling to erect signs warning that ocean may contain predators. Californian who set world record for eating Smarties with chopsticks is disqualified for using M&Ms instead.Japanese train brought to halt by swarm of millipedes on the line. A German neo-Nazi has been charged for teaching his dog to give the Hitler salute. French judge suspended after being seen masturbating during trial.

September 2003

The luggage lost by an airline when a German hairdresser went on holiday to Senegal has turned up lying outside a Dusseldorf police station. Length of time the luggage has been missing: ever since 1979. Two women arrive at a busy junction after dark in Chile, set up a stereo, begin stripping, and pass round a hat. Australian police arrest man on horse for driving while using mobile phone. New Yorker shhots neighbour for mowing the lawn too often. US man who stole GPS device is swiftly tracked down. Alice Shirrell decided to find out which come first by mailing a chicken and an egg from Massachussets to New York. The chicken came first, arriving 11 hours before the egg. Bid to rob US store fails after thieves start arguing over phrasing of demand note. Croatian jailed for setting fire to home to avoid having sex with wife.

August 2003

A traffic warden in Melbourne issued a ticket for a car whose owner lay dead inside. Man enters Norwegian sex shop, drops trousers and asks if he can try on condoms. In The Netherlands, a stray monkey boards a bus, runs to the back and sits down. Director of opera booed on his first night in Brazil responds by dropping trousers and mooning at audience. Brazilian man kills both parents after they cut holes in his inflatable sex doll. Pensioner caught having sex with pig at London city farm.

July 2003

Three Berlin men slept on to the roof for a nap on a hot summer night. During the night one of them had the misfortune of turning over in his sleep. The funeral's this week. An elderly man feuding with his neighbour in Serbia lobbed a live grenade over the fence. His opponent returned it and, like a rally in tennis, back it came - then it exploded. The server faces an attempted murder charge. New York woman murders husband of three weeks because he said her bottom was too small. Norwegian comedian sparks outrage by attaching engine to dead pig and using it as a boat. Man's bid to smuggle four pigeons into Canada under his shirt understably fails. Cannibal on Indonesian island jailed for eating neighbour.

June 2003

California man dies of single stab wound when protective vest demonstration fails miserably. German boy reports mother to police for making him go to kindergarten. Coca-Cola fires California driver for drinking Pepsi. UK man working in Alaska posts dirty T-shirt home to his mother so she can wash it. Berlin publisher bans staff from smoking in own homes. Things people said to US emergency services: «Can my woman refuse to let me shower with her?», «If I start losing my memory, how will I know?» Anthony Phillips had an inkling that the job interview wasn't going well when his prospective boss called police. Staff recognised him as the man caught on security cameras robbing them just the day before. He didn't get the job. A court in Boston has ruled that the estate of dr Henry Cohan is liable for 500 Euro a month alimony to his ex-wife, even though he died five years ago. An entire unit of the Colombian army has gone Awol after they found 10 million Euro buried in plasic bags. Honeymooning US couple arrested for assaulting each other in row over directions to hotel.

May 2003

German woman who trained her dog to open doors has computer stolen when it opens the door for a burglar. Officials prevent Swedish couple naming their son Superman. German fined for celebrating neighbour's death by singing «What a wonderful day». Drunken Russian lion-tamer leaves cage door open. He'll be buried this week. Austrian counterfeiter arrested when he tries to pass note which is blank on one side.

April 2003

Laws still in force in the US: tickling women is illegal in Virginia, sex with a porcupine is outlawed in Florida. Russian train conductors in hospital after head-butting contest gets out of hand. Career criminal sues Austria claiming that after 30 years in prison state owes him a pension. Woman aged 42 marries 14-year-old boy in Alabama. Coffins accepted as payment for holidays at Serbian spa.

March 2003

German man freed by police after getting himself stuck inside a folding bed. He was trying to pull a blanket out of a drawer when it snapped shut, trapping him inside. He was released several hours later. Paramedics called out to free German after part of him became trapped in vacuum cleaner tube. Massachusetts phone company sends bill for dead man to the local cemetery. Russian drunk who tried to cross Neva River after a party is found fast asleep on drifting ice floe. Argentine guards freed prisoner each night so he could steal cars for them. Charles Allen went to pick up his wife from a US jail. For transport he chose a truck stolen from a police officer, which he parked outside police HQ, in a disabled parking bay, with cocaine left on the seat. Romanian whose bid to hang himself falled sues manufacturer over faulty rope. Japanese murdered by wife after he refuses to go and see son in school play.

February 2003

A New Zealander was careering down a road while standing half-naked on a motorised bar-stool, with flames coming out of a rolled up newspaper held between his buttocks. In court, he admitted being in charge of an unlicenced vehicle. Burglar who broke into Texan furniture store arrested after falling asleep on display bed. Man shot dead outside US strip club after row over who sat nearest the stage. Filipino shot dead for laughing at friend's penis during drunken "who's-got-the-biggest" contest.

January 2003

Bible college in Kentucky protests after being issued with phone number 666. A horse crashed into the bedroom on his owner's wedding night and attacked the bride, who ended in hospital with a broken leg, bites and other injuries. But whas the horse doing in the house? Dudley Zoo issues keepers with gas masks after gorillas acquire taste for Brussels sprouts. Russian who stole TV from shop is caught when he went back to claim warranty. Yorkshire goalie plays on for 10 minutes unaware match abandoned due to thick fog. The world's first human diamond has been produced. The cremated remains of Edna MacArthur have been converted into a quarter carat stone. Mafia hitman tells court he could not have shot two Sicilians "because I was killing someone else that day". German angler keeps eel in bath for 33 years after his children refused to allow him to kill it. Knicker thief confesses 84 years later. Man arrested for trying to have sex with sheep used in live nativity scene in shop window.

December 2002

Taiwanese gets divorce because husband insisted incontinent cat share their bed. Wisconsin man buys parking meter and installs it where his in-laws park. Visitors to a Berlin art gallery seeing a body of a woman lying outside the arts centre, assumed it was part of the exhibition. Not so. She had earlier committed suicide by jumping from an upper-storey window. Californian firm selling "official" admission tickets to Heaven reports brisk sales. Delinquent sheep handcuffed by New Zealand police after it attacks man in garage. Illinois prostitute weighing 130 kg kills client by sitting on him. A service called Afterlife Telegrams gets a terminally ill person to memorise a message, and do their best to deliver it to dead people when they are "on the other side".

November 2002

80 per cent plus married men who die during intercourse are not having sex with their wives, says a study published in Japan. Worrying trend set after Norwegian man fined 400 Euro for urinating in sea. Workers at a troubled Romanian car plant are making regular donations to a sperm bank in an attempt to reduce the factory's debt. Illinois man so jealous of girlfriend's dog that he microwaved it. Swiss burglar arrested after he leaves his CV at scene of crime. Roy Dennis broke is ankle skydiving. The next day he visited the acquarium in a wheelchair, where a puffer fish bit him, so he needed a tetanus jab. The following day he went to an adventure park, fell out from a special wheelchair users' car, breaking his nose.

October 2002

Californian man dissected his daughter's guinea pig because he taught it was a government spy robot. German brothel is ordered to reinstate sacked 77-year-old condom-sorter. Boy of four calls Austrian police to complain about granny's cooking. Edinburgh man arrested for having sex with traffic cone. 160 million-year old dinosaur vomit found near Peterborough. New Yorker shoots neighbour for mowing lawn too often. An 80-year-old Belgian in dispute with his family booby-trapped his house with explosives and hunting rifles. He forgot where the traps were, got shot, and died.

September 2002

Madhya Pradesh held its annual stone-throwing festival last weey, and guess what? Yes, hundreds were injured. Belgian goalkeeper's clearance sends ball into basket of passing hot air balloon. Man's bid to rob US store with cooler on head goes wrong when staff cannot understand a word he says. Composer pays a sum to the trust of John Cage to settle a plagiarism claim over a track which consists of complete silence. Ann Summers recalls 150,000 Rampant Rabbit vibrators over safety fears. Boston cat rescued after 18 days in tree. Mexican singer loses three fingers waving to fans from beneath a helicopter. Missing parrot reunited with Swindon owners after he tells RSPCA officers his name. An Edinburgh driver got a ticket for parking on double yellow lines that weren't even there. When she protested, she was told the lines were due to be painted soon. Finally, common sense prevailed. Manchester wife files for divorce after alleging she caught husband having sex with a frozen chicken. US police film man of 81 dressed only in sunglasses and tennis shoes having sex with cows in field. 83 years: the record for the oldest married couple, Bill (104) and Lil (98) Ritchie of Indiana.

August 2002

Bingo, Brazil's only canine prisoner, has been released for good behaviour after serving a year and a half of his prison sentence. The stray was jailed for biting a lorry driver. US man falls to death from bedroom window after tangling with trousers as he undresses. New Jersey paper apologises for headlining story of fire at psychiatric hospital «Roasted nuts». Vietnamese gourmet chef killed in kitchen by snake he was preparing as that night's special. Eleven monks needing hospital treatment after a fracas between Egyptian and Ethiopian brothers in Jerusalem. Joseph Wilkinson, aged 103, was asked by a Hartlepool hospital to bring his parents when he attended for an eye test. Suspect fleeing in Ohio caught when prosthetic leg falls off. Filipino teen guns down girl after she beats him at computer game. When Clara Harris found of her husband was cheating on her, she took revenge. Arriving at the hotel love-nest, she first attacked the other woman an then, when her husband made for his car, got in hers, knocked him down, turned round, ran over him three times, reversed, backed over him one more time and finally parked with his front wheel resting on his body. Here is an air travel tip: remove batteries from that vibrator in your hand bag. R.K. didn't, the thing started buzzing, alarmed Delta crew made her stand up, locate the mystery object and, as giggling passengers looked on, hold it up. She's suing.

July 2002

Police investigating screams coming from Berlin flat find pensioner practising for yodelling contest. Baywatch actress Traci Bingham turfed out of a Berlin restaurant for wearing a lettuce bikini to promote vegetarianism. At an engagement party in Jordan, a man celebrated in the traditional manner by firing an automatic weapon into the air. Sadly he lost control. Two of his friends were killed and several relatives wounded. Hong Kong man attacked on bus by eel he is taking home for tea. Online bank Egg writes "Dear Mrs Deceased" to dead customer. Malaysian authorities are seeking a way to curb a growing craze among druggies for sniffing the smoke given off by burning cow dung. As they say in Kuala Lumpur: "This is really good shit, man". Croatia bans wearing of T-shirts with word "cannabis" on them. One in four UK firms has fired workers for downloading internet _. A Boston postman, making a speech at a ceremony to mark the final day of his 53 years of service, collapsed and died mid-sentence.

June 2002

Norwegian arrested for throwing paper aeroplanes at US embassy in Oslo. German arrested for being drunk in charge of a wheelchair. Man accidentally shoots son with gun he got as Father's Day gift. US shoplifter dies after 20-stone customer sits on him to prevent his escape. Milan police realised there had been a zoo breakout when a driver rang to say he'd just been overtaken by an ostrich. A Texas burglar had been on the run for 15 years. Then, last week, he saw the lawyer who prosecuted him in a restaurant. He went over. "Hi there," he said, "are you still a prosecutor?" Exit burglar, in cuffs, a short while later. Gay rodeo in US has event where contestants have to fit swimsuit to tethered goat. Belgian company develops vibrator for pigs to make artificial insemination "more pleasant". Sussex man restarts car kept in garage since 1896. The trial in Islamabad of a man charged with possessing a grenade was rudely halted last week. The judge picked up exhibit A and removed the pin. A police spokesman felt it necessary to state the obvious: "It is dangerous to remove the pin of a grenade in any circumstances." Japanese man stabs another to death with umbrella after latter fails to address him with correct honorific. US woman who leapt out of cupboard to surprise fiancé is shot as he mistakes her for intruder. The good ole boys in Waller Creek, Texas, decided to see if that antique rifle still worked. They took it outside and rigged a length of string to the trigger so it could be fired from a distance. It worked, then J.T. went to retrieve the gun but tripped over the string. He died later from his wounds.